Friday, March 15, 2013

welcome back

assalamualaikum wbt.

it's been quite long since i last updated my blog.well it has been quite a journey for me but alhamdulillah now i guess things are getting better.

so what was it?
I was diagnosed with renal cancer last august.i was shocked to the extent that i dont know what to do.i felt like my whole world was falling apart.at the age of 21 i was never ready to actually face this kind of reality.it hit me so hard that i was falling on the ground feeling hopeless but coudnt shed any tear.i need to be strong.at least for my mom because a month before that my dad was having his bypass surgery in IJN.it was quite a test for us as a family.so for this one,i need to at least be able to show that i'm fine with it.the doctor said that the only way to treat me was by removal of the whole kidney. 5 months i tried to go for traditional medicine but unfortunately it didnt work for me.so i decided to have the surgery..i was admitted to the hospital 4 days prior to my surgery.it was rather a complicated surgery.it took double the expected time and i was suffering from major bleeding.so severe that they need to actually transfused 8 pints of blood.despite the long complicated surgery,my recovery was a quick one.alhamdulillah,after 3 days i can walk and then being discharged 8days after the operation.Now i.m fine,i am as healthy as i used to be before the surgery,alhamdulillah.i just have to pray that it doesnt come again nor spread to other part of the body.

well i havent got to my point of writing this.above was the simplest form of my story.what i really want to write is what i have learned from my experiences. you see,at the age of 21 i never really had myself prepared for death.i was too attach to this world and that made me so afraid that my time to leave was coming too soon than i expected.when i was diagnosed with this disease,i was so afraid because i didnt think that i did good enough to actually go n meet the Creator.

i planned so much for my future but i never really planned for my hereafter.well i guess i was lucky.God tested me with this so that i can actually repent my sins and do something before it's too late. when i was being pushed into the operation theatre,the only thing in my mind was LAILAHAILLALLAH,just in case that would be my last time.i did my taubah prayer the night before,i did everything that i possibly could to make sure that if i succumb in the operation,i would not be held accountable for my ugly past and by that i mean i was hoping that Allah will forgive everything i had done before.

Alhamdulillah the 12 hours surgery ended well and i was given the opportunity to still continue living in this world.i said to myself,there must be reasons why this world still need me.i start to think about the responsibilities as His servant and i promise myself to be a better muslim.

i am so glad that things happen this way.i might have to live with my one and only right kidney but if this serves as a constant reminder for me about my Lord and His mercy,it's definitely the best thing that ever happened to me.i got the time to spend with my family,i grow closer to my parents and inshaAllah my parents and i will be performing umrah together this april.the only pain i felt few days after the surgery is nothing compared to the blessings He gave me afterwards. the way i see things,the way i look at the real reasons human were created and the responsibilities we all have to do in this world in order to be granted paradise in the hereafter,it's priceless!alhamdulillah,thank you Allah for this wonderful journey :)

there are lotsa details i have yet to share about the journey.this is just the overview.till next time,jaga hati jaga iman jaga akhlak!we never knew if the appointed time for us has come to the end.

allahualam :) 


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