Friday, February 7, 2014

to my future husband

Dear You,

I dont need a grand wedding,
I dont need a diamond ring
I dont need a lot of money,
I dont need a huge mansion by the alley
I dont need good looking face
I dont need look without grace

I dont care about your past
as long as our future lasts
I dont care about tedious struggle
as long as you promise to battle
I dont care about what people say
as long as you dont lead me astray
I dont care about fairy tales
as long as your love prevails

I cant promise it would be easy
but I know I wont be sleazy
I cant promise I wont cry
but I'll try making you a happy guy
I cant promise love without trials
But you wont regret going down the aisles
I cant promise you eternity
but i'll try loving you to infinity

Dear my future husband,if you decide to marry me,that's probably the hardest decision you'll have to make in your life.i carry a huge baggage with me.a stigma, a low self esteem, a soul that in need of constant reassurance. i lived in a fantasy to be the perfect one but i realized i could never be.Maybe that's a subtle reminder from God that He's the only one that can be perfect.Life with me would be a constant battle but i can try to make it worth the struggle.

If anyone wonders what with the sudden entry about future, i dont know. i think i'm just in that age.in the age when everyone around me is settling down.as i said i dont want to live according to how people think i should live.i want to be happy and happiness does not just revolve around marriage or love.i want to do charity,i want to go around the world.i want to please God.i want to be His guest again.i want to go to those holy cities.but then again i cant run away from this forever can i?sometimes i know that i just say thing like i'm fine if i cant find someone while i really hope i do find one.it's like trying to sought solace,trying to make oneself feel better about thing i cant have.i guess i am confused.i will always be.i wont know which way to go,to find happiness independently or to find someone to share my burden with.i know either way would lead to happiness insyaAllah but i cant figure out which weighs more than the other.

Those who like me,they always say they don't mind.but i am not convinced.they'll grow tired of me feeling low about myself,grumbling about not being good enough for them. so dear my future husband,i could be the most difficult person to deal with.just so you know
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5 comments:

Anonymous said...

the melancholiness of nik idzni dalila.. interesting.

nik idzni dalila said...

Not surprising isnt it?hahaha

Anonymous said...

make want to know more the inner of her.. :)

Anonymous said...

It made me cry somehow reading this..always pray for your happiness dear sis. Trust me there must be someone suitable for each of us out there..who will always see the best in you..even at your lowest moment.

Love,
sis S

nik idzni dalila said...

Sis S,
I know but sometimes i think i am too scared to put my hope in that..i guess Allah knows what is the best and hopefully whatever happens, i'll be happy and grateful..thanks for stopping by :)