Friday, January 31, 2014

live.differently



Often in our lives,we focus a lot on things that we cannot do or we cannot have.we hold grudges to people that hurt us.we live on with all these negativities.we keep on asking ourselves why are we not happy.some ask why other people seem happier.

we are all living our lives differently.but of course there're stereotypes or the ideal idea of how one should lives his/her life that the society perceive.however if you put it in your mind that Allah is the most important one to please,you'd do well.even if you have to do different things than the society expects you too.

i used to be sad thinking about things i could not do,dreams i could not have just because i am a bit different from others.i have my situation,my own bubble and in that bubble i need to forgo certain things that i really want.but even if you cant live the way other people do,it does not mean that you have to stop living.just.live.differently.

i figure out that there are people who want to do things i am doing but they could not.so i think being grateful is a way to go.i want to focus more on what i can do.

so whenever you feel like you've never had enough,try and think about what you have.you'll lose count,trust me

not everyone gets the chance to do medicine,in london.and not everyone can go and travel to different countries.i i'm gonna look for my happiness in these two things. i want to travel and meet a lot of people.i want to be a doctor and help people in need.insyaAllah.
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Friday, January 17, 2014

happy anniversary

Assalamualaikum

It's been a year since that horrendous 12 hours surgery i went through.as terrible as it might sound i think my family and close friends had it worse.why?because they were the one who waited for 12 hours and prayed that i would survive.they were the one being told by the doctors about my severe bleeding and complications.they were the one who were worried whether or not i would make it through.i was just lying in bed not feeling anything while the doctors and nurses did their best to stop the bleeding.they were standing for 12 hours just to save my life.i could never thank them enough for their efforts and sacrifices.and of course i need to thank Allah the most.for still giving me the opportunity to live which i hope would be used by me as much as possible to get to the best side of Him.to please Him and be a good servant.

if you read my last post about tarbiyyah there's another incident that occurred 2 days after that.i guess Allah really wanted me to learn to rely completely on him.i was in the lecture hall and was ready to go  home.it's maghrib time and i knew i could make it if i went home because my house was just 15 minutes away.at the same time i can just go and pray at a friend's room nearby.as i was ready to leave,i walked to the tube station then i found out that i lost my purse.maybe i left it in the lecture.so i went and tried to find it but to no avail.i went to student office to ask about it but it was already closed.i was so worried and dont know what to do.i have my debit card in there and it's a hassle to call the bank and cancel the card and wait for a new card to arrive.i have my travel card as well that i've pre paid for the whole week and it was only tuesday.it'll cost a lot of money to buy a new one.i was restless but i knew i needed to calm down.so i went to my friend's room and pray.well as you could imagine,i could not really concentrate during my salah.kept on thinking about the purse(how bad was that?praying but still think about the worldly matter) O'Allah please forgive me. I said to myself remember Allah said,when He afflicted you He never asked you to find solution.He asked you to find Him.

i did my istighfar and tried to contact my friend.i couldnt go home because i didnt have cash with me and i lost my travel card.so my friend said she'll come and pick me up.then i suddenly remembered about security.maybe they have it?so while waiting for my friend i went to the building and asked the security.and they had my purse.i was so glad.alhamdulillah.Allah really has His own unique way in training me to rely on Him which i kept failing miserably but i did learn afterwards.i hope after this 2 occasions I will deal with this kind of test brilliantly next time.Thank you Allah thanks for every lesson i learned.alhamdulillah
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Monday, January 13, 2014

tarbiyah

Assalamualaikum wbt.

So i have a story to tell you guys.but before that let me explain what is the meaning of the title for this entry. The word "Tarbiyah" is an Arabic word that linguistically means increase, growth, and loftiness. Conventionally, Tarbiyah means the development and training of people in various aspects.
so my story is about the tarbiyah that we get directly from God but sometimes we did not notice it. Hopefully after this,we will open our eyes and see things beyond its physicality and look more into the reasons that lie behind all those that happen to us. Nothing happened without a reason,that one thing is for sure. that's why we need to try and look for the reason even if it seems impossible at first.

So on sunday i had to attend a meeting with a group of volunteers in london.it's a very important meeting because it was my first time to get to know this people that i wanted to volunteer with.the organisation is called al buruj.it has organised a number of islamic events in order to help muslims locally to learn more about islam. i fell in love with this kind of volunteering activity when i was in malaysia. when i took a year off and did not know what to do i decided to join mercy mission and help them organising twins of faith and being me events. it benefitted me so much that i found myself longing for the same activity when i'm back in london.

so i was given an address to go to.i was not familiar with it but usually i wouldnt have any problem since i had the address and gps in my phone.so i went to the nearest tube station(similar to lrt) and walked my way to the place following the directions given by my phone.however when i got there,the place was so quiet and i could not see anyone that looks like one of the volunteer.i did not have any number to call since it's my first time and i didnt know anyone.so i went around trying to find the venue. i was touring the neighbourhood for about 15 minutes and i couldnt seem to find it.so i looked at my phone and said to myself maybe i should email the organiser to ask for help.and at the very moment,my phone died. but the strange thing was that my battery was not even low.it was more than half at that moment.

i was so frustrated and i wandered around not knowing what to do or where to go. i started thinking and suggesting to myself maybe i should just go home and emailed them saying that i tried to find the place but i got lost and bla bla bla..and then suddenly it occurred to me why did this happen?i mean it's not like i wanted to do bad thing.why couldnt i find the venue,why did my phone has to die in that crucial time.was my intention not fully because of Allah?was that why Allah was not helping me?
while i was trying to reason out, i felt like i need to renew my intention.astaghfirullah astaghfirullah. i tried to istighfar as much as i could.i said to myself there must be a reason why it happened this way.if Allah stopped me from going then i guess maybe that's the best for me.Allahumma yasir wala tuassir. O Allah if it's the best for me,please make it easy.while i was chanting that to my self i walked to the next street.then i saw a group of sisters who were trying to find their way as well.i asked them if they were going to the volunteer meeting and they said yes. but they also didnt know the way.however one of them had the number of a person who was already there so we finally got there in the end.Alhamdulillah.

i was so grateful.sometimes the help of Allah is so near but we forget to ask Him.we always go for other option and when we are left with nothing then we start turning to Allah. O' Allah please forgive me for not putting You on top that time. I felt so bad but really this is something to ponder upon.why would my phone die when its battery was not even low. definitely it was the tarbiyyah from Allah.He was educating me to put Him on top when i need help.so let's this event be a reminder for you and for me in the future. Please make dua that Allah will forgive me whenever i forget and remind me again about the power of depending on Him and Him only :)

jazakallah n wallahualam

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Friday, January 10, 2014

Allah is perfect and we're NOT

I dont know where some of us pick up the perception that a good muslim is the one who's perfect in following every single islamic teaching and does not sin at all.we sin, everyone sins! and if i remember correctly when i was listening to one of the islamic speaker, he was saying that no matter how many good deeds we do,we cant possibly enter jannah(paradise) without the help of Allah's mercy. but please don't take this out of context by jumping into the conclusion that we don't have to do good deeds then because whatever we did would never be enough. what i am trying to say is Allah never expected us to be perfect.free of sin! He created us, He knows us better that we know ourselves. He knows how fragile or vulnerable we are. so what does He want from us. He wants us to rely on Him. Do our best to please Him and never lose hope because in the end it's His mercy that is going to save us from the hell fire.
as i said we all sin. we do bad things and sometimes it happens without us even realizing it. that's why most islamic speakers say dont judge other people because they sin differently than you do. the most important thing is to realise what we did wrong and repent it. Allah loves those who repent to him. Allah loves those who rely on Him.

Iman goes up and down. we all know about it dont we?sometimes we woke up everyday for tahajud and sometimes we feel like we're too lazy to do so.we give excuses not to wake up.we are weak but we have to know one thing and by knowing this insyaAllah it'll solve our problems. As long as we have Allah,we dont need anything else.dont fall into the devil trap that wants you to believe that you have committed too many sins to be forgiven.NEVER ever believe in this. Allah is the most merciful so dont underestimate the love of God for us by thinking that we are too low to repent or to ask for His help.

changes are not easy.we cant possibly hope to be all pious in one night.we cant possibly dream about not sinning at all.all the bad habits we have,we built it over time and that's why we have to give ourselves time as well to change.do it slowly if you want it to last long.you dont have to start with a big step as well.do it small but consistently. for example yes all of us know how Allah loves those who wake up at night and pray tahajjud.no doubt about it but i guess what we can do first maybe by trying to do well in our 5 daily salah.and if you want to train yourself to wake up early maybe you could try and do it during the weekend first and then increase the frequency.i heard from a research it says that for something to be a habit we need to atleast repeat it for about 23 times. dont be too hard on yourself if you miss what you plan to do.say if you plan to pray tahajjud 3 times a week and that week you only could do two.it's fine to feel frustrated but dont be too hard on yourself.what you could do is you could try and make it up.how?maybe if you cant wake up because you have so much to do or you are not well,you could switch that by doing other things.you could istighfar for 5 mins or do it for 1000 times.anything.be creative.say if you are too tired to recite the quran you can listen to quran recitation for 10 mins.

i have the same problem.sometimes i feel so bad i feel like i am sort of getting far away from Allah but dont give up.put that thought away and start to improve yourself again.worrying wont get you anywhere but action does.so stop thinking or whining but start doing.if you feel bad about the sin you commit,start repenting.thinking and feeling bad about it wont make any difference but repenting and asking God for forgiveness would definitely do you good.

all the best friends!! XOXO
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