life is not about trying to be perfect.or competing who is better than the other. for me if i could be better than my previous self,it's more than enough. sometimes, you cant control how your feeling works. it's hard to not let people's expectation gets to you.sometimes i feel like i do something because i am expected to do it. i'm scared of people judging me.
but i need to get things straight now. what matters most is Allah. His judgement is the most important. He is the one i need to please the most.
it's just me really. i dont think people ever look down on me after knowing about my situation.it's just me feeling disable about my whole situation. i feel like i should be in this alone. i feel like i'm going to hurt people if i let them hold my hands in this tough situation. i keep on thinking that i will do more harm than good if i let people into my life. i need to stop judging myself. i need to stop thinking that i have to be able to do everything on my own. i need to bear in mind that i am imperfect and i should not blame myself for being so because it's what human should be. only Allah is perfect.
i'll slowly pick myself up.
as what the writer said in her book
Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.
i'm looking forward to a better me.to a person who would let go of what she is supposed to be and just be who she really is. i wish to be comfortable in my own skin. i wish to be happy in every situation i have been put in. i wish to not regret any decision i made or will make. i wish to love like i've never been hurt.