Monday, September 5, 2016

Insecurities

Insecurity is something we may not notice but it's there in each and everyone of us. Sometimes it can be so huge that it drains out the energy in you. It can be anything from having acne to not being tall enough from the society's point of view or just being different from what most of us consider as normal.This is a post for all of us who have that 'How I wish I have better physical attributes' thought. Don't get me wrong,it's okay to feel like you want to better yourself,in fact it is brilliant but to be pull down by what the society thinks is normal and isolate yourself for just being a little bit unique is unacceptable. We have to admit we are living in the world where beauty or physical features have threshold and somehow most people assume that they need to achieve that level to feel normal. I, myself is (or should I say was) included in this .Guilty as charged!

I was so into thinking that I need to be fair, have flawless skin and thigh gap to feel beautiful. Now I want to throw stone at my old self for thinking that way. I put myself into various diets and restrictive eating habits to be skinnier, I spent thousands of ringgit for skincare to get that flawless model-look complexion.I did every single thing I can to achieve that feeling of being normal and accepted in the society.When I was in second year of medical school, I gained a bit of weight. I was a bit plump than I used to,mind you my previous weight before that was 40 kg so gaining a bit would put me into normal weight but I was so stressed about it. That was when my acne problem started as well. What a good combination just to draw me out of the society. When I said acne,it is not just one or two pimples. It's the real acne, the cystic painful one all over my cheeks making me feel like I had spotlights on my face that just drew the attention from people.I was at one point refusing to attend any event,just sat in my room looking in the mirror and googling what to do to lose weight and have a better skin.However,that is not the worst part. What added the salt to the wound was words from people,sometimes the close ones. They probably were just joking but it got through to the core. It hurt like crazy. It felt like you were standing at the edge of the cliff,struggling to balance yourself not to fall,hoping that someone would reach out to you and they just pushed you right to the bottom.These kind of insecurities are not healthy and that is why they need to go. We need to change the way we look at them. Don't let them lead you to that dark road of thinking any less of yourself just because of the glitches. Mind you, some people go into depression because of this!

If people leave you because of what they see as your physical imperfections,let them go! You don't need that kind of human being in your life. I was around people who were so indulged into physical perfection and it broke me.When people care more about that zits in your face than what you have in your soul,they are not for you. You can get better, but their attitudes or mentalities are maybe(everyone can change!) forever unless they go through some hardcore cleansing and brain washing!

When I planned to meet my husband the first time, I was so worried. My acne was improving but I still had a lot of bumps everywhere. I was trying to conceal everything that morning by putting a lot of make up on then I realised, I didn't want someone who're just attracted to me physically. Physical attractions are important in marriage, you can't be with someone you are not attracted to for the rest of your life but it also doesn't take a model-like features to make you attracted to someone. It can be as simple as I like his eyes,they're cute!I still put on my basic make up,but not the heavy one. From that time to the day we decided to get married and were planning for our big day, he never mentioned anything about my skin. I always warned him how bad my skin was (while still trying to get it sorted) and guess what he wrote to me when my girls and I were having fun celebrating the last few days of me being single? He said 'With our without make up, I will love you.With or without heels,I will still love you.With or without cancer,I will be forever in love with you'. He just wiped the scars out of me completely.That was when I realised how thankful I should be for people who walked out of my life giving way to this amazing guy to be in it. What I am getting at is, you maybe at a point where you are devastated because someone you really love just left,or you are simply hurt or just feeling hopeless about whatever insecurities you may have. All I want to say to you is hang on there,keep trying to better yourself and  you will see all the blessings behind this difficult phase unravel themselves soon insyaAllah.

To the people out there, telling people they are fat won't let you be any skinnier, telling people how bad they are won't make you any better, nitpicking and judging every single wrong doing people did won't make you a saint.Be kind,use a gentle approach. Yes you might have a good intention but that is not a good enough reason and in fact it should not be a reason to be harsh and hurt people. You never know how your words can affect other people especially when they are already vulnerable having so much in their plates. Be careful and think before you speak or now should I say think before you type?
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8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Truly inspiring!

Simplyme said...

Greeting from the other side of the world, reading your blog posts really inspired me, thou i've just came across your instagram post (that have gone viral on facebook) only 2 days ago, its leads me to your instagram, then your blog, within 2 days, i've known so much about you. You are a fighter(in a good way of course).May ALLAH continue to bless your soul with patience, strength and happiness for the rest of your life.Lastly,never stop the fighting spirit in you coz you've motivated alot of people with it.
Have a bless week idzni.

Regards,
From the other side

NurAmalini bt Muhamad Amri said...

Assalamualaikum. Hai Idzni. Your writing is so inspiring. Yes, how many of us yg hidup ni nk fullfil people's expectations je kan. But of course, we need to take care of ourselves very well. Me too, gained weight quite a lot after got married. And now I'm reducing some weight because I myself want it as I feel less healthy by having over weight on my body. Hahaha. Nevertheless, I hope you are doing fine. If you still encounter acne problem, mybe you can look up on how to do 'deep cleaning's. A friend of mine shared few tips of doing deep cleansing and I could see kinda of positive results. Hope you can try those tips too ;)

Nik Idzni Dalila said...

Thanks anon for your comment! You made my day :)

Dear simplyme, I am so humbled when people said to me they are inspired but glad at the same time that I have the chance to at least do something good I suppose, with my experience and what I have gone through. Thank you so much for your kind words and prayers. May Allah bless your kindness!

Dear Amalini, Waalaikumussalam and thank you for your comment. Yes of course, we need to take care of our health. That is indeed very important and well done for doing that to your self :) My acne alhamdulillah has gone almost completely. just sharing my experience so that people know they are not alone in this.Acne can be very debilitating and can make your self esteem goes down the drain. Thank you for sharing the tips :)

Norasurah Abd Wahab said...

Salam Idzni, all i saw when we met end 2014 is a beautiful soul. The courage that you have is inspiring. I know sometimes it hurts much when the negative things came from ppl close to us. Happy to see u are now married and i pray for your happiness always :) -kaksue

Nik Idzni Dalila said...

Wslm Kak Sue! Thank youuu so muchh for your kind words. Time fliesss,it has been 2 years since that time.May Allah bless you and your family and semoga bisnes kak zue berjayaaa smpai bebila😊

Anonymous said...

Hai, can i know what products did you use when you had your acne problem?

Anonymous said...

Hai, may i know what products did you used when you had your acne problem?